Do you constantly want to help those who complain when you have not been asked? Welcome to the saviors’ club! 😄
What is saviour complex?
Savior complex is the belief that I will save others.
Medical, social and therapeutic professions are popular with saviours: doctors, nurses, psychologists, therapists, coaches, educators, etc.
The rescuer syndrome is based on many emotions, mainly
- Fear of being useless.
- Fear of not being loved.
- Fear of failing.
- Fear of not saving oneself.
- Guilt about not helping.
- Guilt about being better than others.
Helping others is a way to feel loved. Often saviors have been subjected to conditional love in childhood: e.g. “If I make myself useful, my parents will love me”.
The rescuer is one of the three actors in Karpman drama triangle. He or she unconsciously looks for victims to help.
In this way, a play is being performed of which the actors are unaware.
At the end, there is no one to save but oneself.
Savior complex symptoms
The consequences of saviour complex can be seen in everyday life:
- Giving advice whenever someone has a physical symptom.
- Staying in a relationship so that the other person does not suffer.
- Wanting to help someone who accepts only to please.
Altruism is not always healthy. There is a difference between accompanying and saving.
Karpman drama triangle can cause damage:
- Helping someone who has not asked for it goes against the universal law of free will.
- Being a savior reinforces the ego. It is a rewarding role.
- To want to help others at all costs is to make them dependent and prevent them from taking responsibility for their lives.
- To focus on others is to neglect my own emotions.
How to free yourself from the rescuer syndrome?
Fortunately, it is possible to step out of the role of rescuer through the inner journey.
Do not help if the other does not ask
It can be frustrating as a savior not to be able to offer my help when I am convinced that I have the solutions.
However, a person who does not want to get better (consciously or unconsciously) will not get better.
On the other hand, if a person voluntarily asks for help, then the effects can be beneficial and lasting.
Awareness
Rescuers do not realize that they have the complex.
Awareness is needed to get out of it.
Focus on yourself
Wanting to save others is a way of avoiding to see my own wounds.
As a savior, I have the same problems as the victim, and I don’t always realize it.
The other is my mirror.
The best way to help others is to work on myself.
I have the same emotional memories that I see in others.
Emotional acceptance can help me get out of the messiah complex.
Conclusion
What is savior complex?
It is the compulsive urge to save others.
This urge is actually based on fears.
But there is no one to save but myself.
