Submission is usually a dead end. 😄
When I am born into a family, I have biological parents who are responsible for my life.
They decide what is good for me, and impose their vision on me.
A parent becomes a sort of bully of his/her child, because “he/she knows better”. Under the pretext of being older, he/she claims to have the truth.
Many families have parents who :
- Decide on the occupation of their offspring.
- Arrange marriages.
- Refuse their child’s sexuality.
The family becomes a hierarchical relationship, where parents dominate the children. This is an abuse of power!
Projection on children
Behind this phenomenon, there is an unconscious mechanism of projection: I want my child to be the idealized version of myself.
So I project all my desires onto my child:
- I want my son to play soccer.
- I want my daughter to be beautiful.
- I want my children to have a brilliant education.
- And so on.
But each human being is unique. Nobody knows what is good for me better than I do.
Too often, I am not listened to when making decisions that concern me.
Family conflicts are frequent because there is a gap between :
- Parents’ projections.
- The real nature of the children.
As a baby, I am naturally myself.
Around the age of 2 or 3, I realize that my parents only love me under certain conditions. Like every human being, I have a vital need to love and be loved. The idea of being rejected by my family is unbearable.
So I adapt my behavior to be loved. It is from this age that I build a character, that I play a role to adapt to the demands of my parents:
- If I am behaving, I am loved.
- If I stop crying, I am loved.
- If I get good grades, I am loved.
In reality, I have no choice. If I do not do what they want, I am punished, scolded, denied dessert, etc.
Why does this type of pattern continue from generation to generation?
Because I inherit the beliefs and emotional wounds of my ancestors.
If I do not break free of the family chains, I reproduce them on my own children.
How to get out of the parental grip?
Fortunately, there are solutions.
When I understand these family patterns that imprison me, I can more easily break free.
A caged bird may struggle, then it will exhaust itself. Or it may realize that the cage door is open, and it is free to fly away.
The first step is to become aware of the psychological and emotional hold my mother and father have on me.
Introspection is about going inside myself.
It is always easier to blame my parents than to take responsibility for what happens to me.
If my parents keep control over me, it is because I am afraid of losing control.
I can make the decision to become myself again, although it is a process that takes time.
This mainly consists of:
- Healing my emotional wounds.
- Freeing myself from limiting beliefs.
I discover how to deal with my emotions.
I can also get help from a therapist or a psychologist. An outside view is useful to identify and transform unconscious patterns.
Putting some distance
The chick needs its parents to take care of it, but one day it will leave the nest. To express its true nature, the bird must free itself from this emotional dependence.
My family is not there to impose unanimous decisions on me. It is there to :
- Bring me security.
- Provide me with a framework within which I can blossom.
- Guide me towards the full realization of my potential.
I am not my parents’ puppet. I am a being free to be myself and to express my talents.
This is not always easy because elders abuse emotional pressure.
It requires some courageous decisions:
- Learning to say stop.
- Daring to be myself without fearing my parents’ reaction.
- Setting limits.
- Getting angry if I am not respected.
- Eventually, cutting ties temporarily.
It’s not easy for them to lose their power, because they have been used to having a say in everything I do since I was very young.
Choosing my family
Certainly, family is important.
Certainly, my parents have done a lot for me.
Certainly, I chose my parents at the time of incarnation.
However, I have no obligations to stay connected to my biological family all my life. I am not in debt. I am free to separate from them if they make me suffer.
I can surround myself with people who :
- Listen to me.
- Understand me.
- Respect my choices.
- Do not judge me.
They are often my friends. I can decide that they are my new family.
Giving myself unconditional love
Adults have fed me with conditional love.
So all my life I have been doing things for others, to receive love.
The time has come to finally live for myself, not for others.
Rather than depending on the conditional love of others, I can give myself unconditional love.
This consists of:
- Giving myself a hug.
- Repeating “I love me” to myself.
- Sending love all over my body.
Cutting the energetic ties
I can close my eyes, and visualize giving back to my ancestors everything that does not belong to me.
I can also symbolically cut the energetic ties with my family, to facilitate my take-off.
This small energetic action is simple, but powerful.
Some statements can help me stop depending on my parents.
I can repeat them if they make me feel good:
- I am myself.
- I love myself unconditionally.
- No one has the right to stop me from being myself.
- I accept myself as I am.
- I am free.
- I decide my life.
- I have the right to live my life as I wish.
- I am the master of my life.
- I forgive myself for having played a role to be loved.
How can I free myself from the grip of my parents?
Mainly by becoming aware of my emotional wounds and unconscious patterns that prevent me from being myself.