Perfectionists beware! 😄
Being in control
I often have trouble releasing my grip. I try to :
- Master everything.
- Compare everything.
- Put everything in boxes.
- Understand everything.
- Analyze everything.
- Plan everything.
This leads to endless mental activity. I am much more in my thoughts than in the moment.
Yet when I was a baby, I was not in control. What happened?
Why do I control?
Around the age of 2 or 3, I understand that I am subject to the conditional love of my parents.
Example: If I am not behaving, I am not loved.
So I develop unconscious mechanisms of protection, in order to receive as much love as possible from my parents, and not to suffer.
Keeping control is reassuring, because it allows me to believe that I have a hold on events. In this way, I develop myself by making sure that I am what my environment wants me to be. I play a character.
As an adult, I continue to wear the mask. By controlling everything that happens, I may be loved, but I forget a part of myself.
Ways to let go
Learning to let go takes time. I can’t remove decades of control in 5 minutes.
Becoming aware
First, I need to become aware of:
- My unconscious patterns.
- My emotional wounds.
I can write them down as I go along.
Why do I need to control everything in my life? Perhaps I have the belief that I must do well to be accepted, because I am afraid of disappointing?
Emotional wounds related to the fear of losing control are usually :
- Fear of not being loved.
- Fear of being abandoned.
- Fear of not being myself.
- Fear of being rejected.
- Anxiety of not knowing what will happen.
I discover how to deal with my emotions.
Embodying in the matter
Letting go comes with practice.
I can give up control on a day-to-day basis, by :
- Trying not to plan everything.
- Leaving room for the unexpected.
- Not getting lost in the details.
- Trusting others, without needing to control what they do.
- Not trying to understand everything.
For my part, I go on an intuitive vacation: I abandon myself to my guidance. I walk down the street and let my intuition guide me to know if I am turning left or right. This type of trip to distant countries is entertaining, but stressful: it brings up many emotional memories. In this way, I am really learning to let go of mental control.
Meditation of the inner child
This is a visualization I can do in bed at night.
I close my eyes, and I imagine that I find my inner child in nature. I take him/her in my arms. I comfort him/her and listen to what he/she has to say. He/she may need to be comforted.
Then I ask for help to let go. My inner child is my inner healer. He/she is the one who set up these mechanisms, and he/she knows how to remove them.
For example, he/she can guide me into my unconscious library, where all the patterns that control me are stored. Then he/she will help me to remove the chapters I don’t need anymore.
Having faith in life
Letting go of control means trusting life.
It leads me to the situations I need to experience, pleasant or unpleasant. When they are unpleasant, most of the time, there is a message to get.
Life is perfect. It guides me to my path of life. This is only possible if I trust my intuition, and control less mentally. Then the magic happens!
Conclusion
How to let go?
By becoming aware of how I function, and then letting go of control!
At the origin of perfectionism, there is a need to make sure of every detail in order not to disappoint my parents. Today, I can decide to have faith in life.