How to calm my anger? – Positive Change

Certainly not by ignoring it. 😄

Why am I angry?

Anger is useful to defend myself in case of physical aggression.

Nowadays, it is rather triggered by :

Disrespect.
Conflict.
The behavior of others.
Something that doesn’t go my way.

Most of the time, these triggers are not the root causes of angers.

Rather, they are a wake-up call to my emotional wounds.

Getting mad at someone

If I am mad, I am not myself.

The emotion takes control of my thoughts, my behavior and my words.

It is best not to redirect the violence of my wrath towards others.

Otherwise, I am likely to hurt somebody, and regret it later.

What to do in case of anger?

The priority is to get out of the control of anger.

If I’m in the company of others, I can say, “I’m feeling an emotion, I need some time.”

Then I isolate myself, such as in the bathroom, and take a deep breath.

Rage is not an emotion like any other. It mobilizes incredible energy. To release the energy built up in my body, I can:

Let the emotion flow through my body and observe it.
Scream into a pillow.
Run.
Throw a stone away.
Hit a tree.
Bite.
Etc.

It is helpful to express what I am feeling out loud, even if I am alone: “I feel angry because… ” This allows me to accept anger, rather than repress it.

Is it normal to get upset?

Yes! Emotions are always legitimate.

I can allow myself to feel:

Rage.
Exasperation.
Frustration.
Fury.
Discontent.

What’s not normal is not getting angry: then it builds up inside me, which can lead to physical symptoms.

Yet, sometimes I need to get angry at someone, in order to set my limits. But most of the time, it is not necessary.

How can I free myself from anger sustainably?

99% of the time, the anger comes to awaken an emotional wound.

In other words, the real cause is not external but internal. Thank you anger for bringing my inner conflicts to light!

John’s father hit him when he was young. He built up anger inside him. Today, he sees a man in the street who slaps his son. It makes him furious.

When I heal my painful wounds, the angers do not come back.

What can I do? I can begin the process of emotional acceptance.

For a long time, I repressed my anger. It came from my childhood, when my parents scolded me whenever I was angry. Today, I accept to let go of this accumulated rage. When it comes, I isolate myself and scream into a pillow.

What to do if a child is angry?

Accept his/her anger.
Listen to him/her.
Encourage him/her to express how he/she feels, and name the emotion: “It’s okay to feel frustrated.”
Comfort: “I love you. I accept you. I trust you.”
Give a hug if he/she wants one.
Identify the needs. For example, little Judith is upset because her daddy corrected her in front of everyone. She needs to be guided, not belittled.
Apologize if necessary.
Let him/her sulk if needed.