Forgiveness is the right to heal my wounds with love.
What is forgiveness?
To forgive is to release resentment and anger.
I am free to stand by my convictions, or to forgive.
It is a conscious decision that cannot be forced.
Studies have shown that forgiveness has beneficial effects on health, especially on anxiety and sleep disorders.
Why do I need forgiveness?
If somebody hurt me, this can be the source of much suffering.
Even more so if that person feels no remorse.
The act of forgiveness allows me to continue on my path, rather than being stuck in the past.
It requires courage and love.
Forgiving someone can be liberating for that person.
However, the main purpose of forgiveness is to free myself, in order to heal.
It is to remove the thorn that remains in my heart.
How to forgive the unforgivable?
Putting myself in the shoes of the aggressor can be a solution for understanding the incomprehensible.
However, to pardon is also accepting that I do not understand everything.
And sometimes I can’t even excuse. It’s ok.
But I can always forgive myself.
Perceiving forgiveness as a gift to my offender does not allow for reparation.
Forgiveness is not an act of weakness, but of strength.
It is a gift that I give to myself.
How to forgive in order to free myself?
Forgiveness begins by saying to myself:
I have been hurt deeply. I now decide to close this wound. I thank the emotions that allowed me to grow. I accept them. I thank this situation that I needed to experience, for reasons greater than myself. I decide to stop suffering. I decide to continue living.
Emotional acceptance
Forgetting and burying painful memories is not the solution: sooner or later they will come back to haunt me.
Anger, hatred, resentment and injustice are heavy burdens to carry.
Before forgiving, it is advisable to accept my emotional wounds.
Then maybe true forgiveness can be granted, so that I can move on.
Expressing
Sometimes, in order to free myself from this burden, I need to say things face to face.
I can contact the person who hurt me and tell what I need to tell.
If I can’t express it orally, I can at least express it in writing.
Writing
Writing is a other way to express my regrets, to ask for forgiveness and to forgive.
This can take the form of a symbolic letter: writing everything that I feel to this person.
The symbolic letter is thrown away once written.
Self-forgiveness process
To do this, I can complete the sentence “I forgive myself for…”.
Examples:
- I forgive myself for not loving myself.
- I forgive myself for not listening to my deep needs.
- I forgive myself for hurting others.
- Etc.
With each hint of guilt felt in my body, I can shower it with light and love.
This allows the emotional memory to be accepted and released.
Conclusion
The benefits of forgiveness are many.
Forgiving allows to stop suffering.
This works as long as I have healed the associated emotional wounds.
It is a genuine act of self-love.